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Natalie Portman denounces hot grits
By: Hob Goblin
Posted on: Tue, July 13 2004 - 2:11 pm

In a move that has astounded many loyal fans in the Troll Community, Natalie Portman denounced hot grits at a press conference earlier today. Apparently she became disgusted after an unidentified Troll offered to pour hot grits down her pants in exchange for one goblin, a bowl of oatmeal and three hours of monkey sex.

"Hot Grits are heavily contributing to the downfall of this society" Portman stated "and I can't stand this insanity anymore, something must be done to protect myself and people like me from these ruthless grits fiends." Supporters cheered as Portman left the podium.

Several groups protesting outside of the conference showed their disgust at Portman's comments by holding a grit party where wheelbarrows full of hot grits were waiting for anybody who cared to take the plunge. "Hot Grits are my life." one protester said as he poured another bowl down his shorts, "I can't live without them and I'm sick of everybody always complaining about them."

Legislation has been introduced into the House of Trollmasters that would restrict the act of grit pouring to people's homes, it is not expected to pass as most the Trollmasters are avid grits fans.

The Dissociated Press contributed to this report

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