Posted on: Tue, July 13 2004 - 2:11 pm
The European Union comissioners have announced that aggreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications,
rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and
has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly sivil servants will
resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will
this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will
be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar
changs vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or
difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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