Posted on: Tue, July 13 2004 - 2:17 pm
Here is a funny chain letter to send to people who send you too many chain letters.
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from several rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking "forwards" sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer (brought on by second-hand smoke) will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to, $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog!
What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower, and if it makes it to the year 2000 it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all this "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some 'omniscient being'" crap forwarded about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!
51074 illiterates could not understand this page.