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Republicans, Democrats announce merger
By: Alsogut Mann
Posted on: Tue, July 13 2004 - 2:06 pm

Following the lead of many large corporations, the Democratic Party and the Republican Party announced today that they will be merging in order to compete for voter share more effectively. The name of the new party created by the merger will be the Republicratic Party. Valued at over $200 zillion dollars, the merger will create the world's largest corporation.

In order to avoid anti-trust laws, the parties have agreed that they will provide two candidates in each election. The party logo will be a combination of a donkey and an elephant.

George "Who's your daddy?" explains merger

"We feel this merger will help to strengthen democracy" said George "Who's your daddy?" Bush, dictatorial candidate for the new party. "I believe that we must restore hope to the millions of Americans who have become disillusioned by the American political system. As Governor of Florida I intend to show the American peep hole that I will lead them into a new era of posterity."

Al "Bore" on the benefits

"What this will do is empower the party to better represent the people and keep damn radicals from screwing up Amerika" said vice-dicatorial candidate Al "the bore" Gore. "This is a momentous time in Amerikan politics and a momentous decision for America's vision of democracy."

When asked about the effect of the merger on voter choice, party chairman Bill Grates said that "We feel this merger will increase voter choice as we will be better positioned to provide more qualified candidates to the people of America"

Third parties kicking and screaming like... donkeys

Green Party candidate "Darth" Nader has spoken out against the merger saying it is "un-American". Most analysts agree however that Nader is just hurting his position by comparing the merger of these two great parties to anti-communist activities in the 1950's headed by Senator McCarthy. "We feel that alluding to the McCarthy era is inappropriate in this matter. The Green Party is obviously a fringe group that deserves serious investigation by the federal government." said A. Dolfiter, party promotion chief.

The Dissociated Press contributed to this report

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